Bad Jokes

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I like it…

In Jerusalem, a Reuters journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
“I’m Rebecca Smith from Reuters. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a fucking wall.”

A dyslexic skier was standing at the top of the giant slalom trying to work out if he should zig zag round the poles or zag zig.

He turns to the man next to him and says, “I wonder if you can help me? I’m not sure if I should zig zag or zag zig round the poles on the way down.”

“Don’t ask me”, the man said, “I’m a tobogganist.”

“In that case” said the skier, “I’ll have two packets of Benson & Hedges and a box of matches.”

Lyndon Johnson was responsible for the death of JFK, Mike Myers was responsible for hurricance Katrina.

It could only mean the Colbert Report.

Poor Pat, caught out by a text message:

Pat:“I’ve a text in here Des, is it true that Gavin Henson goes into Church after every game?”
Des:“Er, ummm (long silence), I think you’ve been had there Pat, and missed the significance of that one….”

Taken from CNN.

Yes it’s good marketing, and yes it’s a funny advert.

Really, really good.

[via Steve]

Back on home turf, to normal-type weather.

I heard since I came back that Limerick is sending two plane loads of people to New Orleans to assist in the looting.

An attractive woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre.

So the barman gave her one.

A mother Superior and a novice nun were out for a drive one morning. The novice was behind the wheel and everything was fine until suddenly the Devil jumped out from behind a tree and on to the hood of the car. The novice slammed on the brakes and wailed, “Mother Superior what should I do?” “Show him your cross,” the Mother Superior replied calmly. Heeding her words, the novice quickly rolled down the window, leaned out and yelled, “Get off the fucking car, you ugly bastard!”

Only click this link if you find jokes funny that use bad language and could cause offence.

A wife walks in the kitchen and sees her husband holding a fly swatter.

She asks him, “Why are you holding the fly swatter?”

The husband says, “I’m killin’ flys.”

She asks, “Well, have you killed any yet?”

He says, “Yep, three males and two females.”

The wife, puzzled, says, “How can you tell what sex they are?”

The husband replies “Well, three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone.”

I went to my bank yesterday to check my balance. The cashier came up to me and pushed me over…